I just hit 7,000 followers on TikTok.
And honestly… I still can’t believe it.
It all started with a silly improv ~ just me speaking doing a 60 day improve my English challenge. With flair, no script, no plan. But somewhere around the 35th day, I stopped. I tripped.
Not physically, but emotionally.
The hate comments came in like little punches. And suddenly, I didn’t know what to say anymore.
It’s wild how silence creeps in even when the stats say you’re growing.
But I want to continue. I want to be consistent.
And more than that ~ I want to be me, out loud.
But I’ve realised what truly stops me from posting isn’t just trolls. It’s deeper.
What stopped from posting more
- My digital life is a mess.
I’ve got footage scattered across two devices. Everything feels chaotic — like trying to find a good photo in a trash folder. Meanwhile, I see friends like Erich and Duli who organise their files like sacred art. SSDs. Labeled folders. Categorised like a museum archive. I envy that discipline. I know if I just organised my digital chaos, I’d feel lighter.
Freer. More ready to share. - I overthink everything
I have too many content ideas. And somehow, that abundance turns into paralysis.
Do I vlog? Voiceover? Talking head?
Post now? Later? Edit more? Add music?
Then the moment passes, and I’ve talked myself out of sharing anything.
Sometimes, I wish I could just post like I’m texting my bestie. No pressure. No polish. Just heart
Let’s be real ~ perfectionism is just fear dressed up in aesthetics. - I replay too much.
After I post something, I obsess. I watch the views. I rewatch my own video 20 times+.
I wait for validation. I crave confirmation that I’m worthy of being seen.
It’s embarrassing to admit, but it’s true. There’s a part of me that hungers for affirmation. And while a little feedback is human, I’ve caught myself spiraling into vanity. Needing numbers to tell me I’m enough.
And honestly? That’s not the creator who I want to be.
So where do I go from here?
Maybe I just need to remember why I started:
To express. To connect.
To tell stories that make people feel something — even if it’s just for 15 seconds.
Growth is cool.
But truth? That’s what I’m really after.
So here’s to the messy folders, the overthinking minds, and the hearts that hit “post” anyway.
Because someone out there needs your story — even if it’s not perfect.
Thank you, Balkan family. Thank you for making me feel seen and heard.
For making me feel like I matter.
Here’s to the road to 10K — but more importantly, to showing up as I am.
